Speedgeek Inspires a Furious Return

Guess who's back. If you guessed SpeedGeek, then you're right! (Go read his post.) But I'm back too.

The only problem is that it's not going to be free this time. I hate to break it to Wedge, but to get these hands to type these words, it's gonna cost a little change. I'm NOT SAYING it's gonna cost $180,000-$200,000... but I am TEXTING it to him right now. Don't tell any Mississippi State boosters though. Those dudes can't keep a secret.

So I recently made some big decisions and am now able to devote more time to making you all scroll through a bunch of bull to get to the good stuff that the other guys post. And let's face it... it's almost the most wonderful time of the year. BLOGATHON. Are you guys ready, or what?

Besides Blogathon, here are some other things I'm anxiously looking forward to:

- Auburn is going to lose a game and LSU will somehow play for, and win, the BCS title. As I celebrate (into the NFL playoffs and watch the Saints repeat), the uproar among NCAA officials will finally spark some change and we'll finally see a playoff.

- The Cubs are going to unload Fukudome, trade for Prince Fielder, and bring back Kerry Wood. (OK, we'll be lucky if they can dump Kosuke, I'd just love to see Wood back at Wrigley, and imagine how pissed the Brewers fans would be if that Fielder trade actually happened.)

- Sean O. is going to stick around and post more comments like "THE SHITTY SHIT THAT YOU POST ON THIS SHITTY BLOG IS A BUNCH OF SHIT." It's going to be so much fun. Huskies Football 4 Life.

- East Dillon is totally going to... Ahhh... Andy would kill me if I did that. BUT HOW AMAZING IS THIS SHOW? I can't believe it's almost over.

- The Hornets are going to win the NBA Finals. I can't believe it.

- NO LIMITS. Where will you be on New Years Eve? Hopefully in front of your TV.

So yeah. I'm glad to be back and, as that list proves, I should have a ton of stuff to post about in the near future.

An Introduction (of Sorts) and a Farewell (of Sorts)

Hi, everybody. Speedgeek here. Some of you might be familiar with my work, but a lot of you may not, so I feel compelled to drop a few words up here to let you know who I am and what exactly it is that I think I'm doing here.

As you might figure from my name, I'm a racing fan. I'm also a sports fan in general, and so I very much enjoy reading the non-racing stuff that Wedge, Ron and Deuce write here, but my main forte and what you'll read the most from me is racing stuff. IndyCar and Formula 1 are the two main series that I follow and dedicate my time to, but I also follow the American Le Mans Series pretty thoroughly and I also stay pretty well up to date with GrandAm (hey, the Daytona 24 Hours and Blogathon 2011, are just around the corner, right?), the three top NASCAR series, the European Le Mans Series and Le Mans Intercontinental Cup, and lots of the junior formula and undercard series (including but certainly not limited to Indy Lights, Star Mazda, USF2000, SCCA World Challenge, GP2, Australian V8 Supercars, German DTM, and on and on). I'm also a bit of a gearhead, and enjoy talking about street cars and nuts and bolts stuff, but I'll probably leave that stuff to other sites, if I ever do get around to writing about it. This is a sports site, right?

OK, as far as what I'm doing here, I was invited by the staff of Grab Bag Sports to join up with them a few months ago. In my usual timeline of getting around to things, here I am about five months later getting to my first post. Hooray for me! Anyway, my sincerest thanks to the guys here for taking me on board and thanks to all their regular readers for reading (assuming you're still reading this far down in a post that is probably only interesting to me) whatever it is that I might come up with.

Oh, and as Ron started out when this site relaunched as Grab Bag Sports, I also have a grab bag tale of my own to share. Growing up, my brother and I went to A LOT of baseball card shows. He was, being the older of the two of us, far more invested in baseball cards, both monetarily and intellectually, and so he spent most of his time at shows wheeling and dealing and looking for his next investment that was a sure thing to increase in value by 300-800% (by the way, I wonder if he still has that stack of 100 Dave Martinez rookie cards that he bought for like $0.06 a piece?). I spent most of my time wandering around looking for Ryne Sandberg cards, caches of Donruss, so that I could work on scratching a few more cards off of my sometimes-shortening checklist of cards that I needed from the '85 to '88 sets (damn that Barry Bonds rookie card that I still need to this day to finish off the '87 set), and getting sucked in by various tables of "grab bags". I was a total sucker (as my brother told me vociferously and repeatedly), and so I probably spent $150 of my hard earned allowance over the years on what probably turned out to be about $21 worth of assorted commons and Rated Rookies that never panned out. I guess that all that taught me a valuable lesson: don't play the lottery. Also: never trust greasy looking card dealers because there really is only one Bo Jackson and one Orel Hershiser in that entire table worth of bags.


With all of that out of the way, I also have a farewell to make today. As many of GBS's faithful readers might be aware, the esteemed Roy Hobbson of The Silent Pagoda has hung up his spurs and The Pagoda is being deposited in a mini-storage somewhere west of Plainfield. There have been a couple of hints dropped on Twitter that we may not have seen the last of Roy, but at the very least, he's on a good long break for a while. Um, 6 to 8 years with time off for good behavior, to be exact, I think. Anyway, Roy's a solid fella (that stuff that happened in the Coke Lot after Carb Day this year notwithstanding), and a heck of a writer, so I sincerely hope that he finds his way back to The Internets sometime soon. Thanks for all the entertainment you've provided over the last two years, Roy. We'll keep the closet well stocked with Febreeze (for external and internal use, to be sure) until you get back.

A Regular Season College Football Fans Could Be Excited For

Oh college football regular season, how you bore… The BCS supporters would have you believe that the BCS is amazingly awesome because “every game counts” or “it makes the regular season matter so much” or “the regular season is the playoffs.”

So for a moment, lets forget about the ridiculousness of calling a system that eliminates undefeated teams a playoff. Forget the money involved, forget discrimination, and bad poll voters and broken computer formulas.

Lets just think about how the BCS actually effects the regular season in a manner of  what truly “matters” to the end goal – a championship. Effectively there are now three weekends remaining in the Division I college football season, and we’re all bored. So bored Pat Forde even spent his space as an ESPN columnist to writing about how boring it is.

TCU and Boise may once again
be playing for nothing

So boring that rather than analyzing potential upcoming matchups, we’re listening to analysts blab about how they think TCU’s close game against a 7-win SDSU doesn’t bode well for them, but pay no attention to Oregon’s close call with a crummy Cal team… because they say so. Regardless of the reasoning behind the Mark Mays of the world, the reason they are giving the opinion, is because that’s all there is to talk about right now, because we’re all bored. Why?

With 3 weeks remaining in the “every game is a playoff” regular season, we’ve already decided the championship game matchup. We’ve even decided on the two alternates for that matchup. The stage was actually set a week ago when Alabama lost to LSU. If there is anything to happen to our championship situation, it must come in the remaining regular season for Auburn or Oregon.

Including conference championship games there are 131 games remaining in Division I… but only 4 of them matter in respect to the championship (Oregon has two and Auburn has two): only 3% of remaining games definitely matter.

If you include the possibilities where Oregon or Auburn lose and then include remaining games for championship alternates TCU/Boise State (possibly LSU) as potentially mattering then it goes up to 8-10 games or 6-8%.

We’re leading in to the BCS post-season and only 3-8% of the remaining season matters? What a shame in a season like 2010 where so many conferences, rankings and bragging rights are still up for grabs.

The Alternative: In the past we’ve proposed a 16-team playoff with 11 auto-berths for conference champions and 5 at-large spots based on rankings; almost the exact same thing proposed in the popular new Death to the BCS book. Lets think about what could be if we used this proposed and universally liked 16-team playoff system, and how that would affect the remaining scheduled games.

(warning there is some math coming ahead, but its worth it).


SEC: Their championship game will match Auburn and South Carolina (1), but Auburn can’t afford to lose its game to Alabama (2) and also the champ game because that could lose them an at-large position so both games definitely matter.

Stanford could be fighting
for the 5th seed

PAC 10: Oregon has not yet sewn up the title, they and Stanford each have 2 games remaining. Stanford plays one of those games before Oregon can clinch, so both of their next games definitely matter in reference to the playoff post-season. Were Oregon to lose against Arizona all 4 of their remaining games would matter. (2 definite to matter / 4 potential to matter)

ACC: Virginia Tech has the Coastal Division wrapped up but there’s still a 3-way tie in the Atlantic between Maryland, NC State and Florida State so there’s 3 more season games plus a championship game that matter to a playoff; plus Virginia Tech is in position to get an at-large berth without the ACC champ game giving potential meaning to their remaining games (4 definite / 6 potential).

BIG 12: There’s the champ game (1), but before that Nebraska still has win the North with their next game; if they lose to A&M then suddenly their final game and Missouri’s 2 games matter. In the South all Oklahoma State, Oklahoma and Texas A&M’s next game already matter; pending results the final games can matter as well. (4 definite / 9 potential)

BIG EAST: Interestingly Pittsburg has only played 4 conference games thus far, they are in the driver’s seat but have 3 games remaining. Even if Pitt wins their first game, all the 2-loss Big East teams’ next games still matter to keep them alive: that adds Syracuse, UConn, USF, and West Virginia’s next game to the mix (2 more definitely mattering) What if Pitt loses their game to USF? Then it’s a mad house, all the rest of their conference games could matter: (3 definite / 9 potential)

BIG TEN: We have a 3-way tie, but 4 teams are alive (Wisconsin, OSU, MSU and Iowa); all next games definitely matter, but pending results all their final games could matter too (3 definite / 7 potential)

"The Rock" in Hattiesburg could host
playoff implications

C-USA: One championship game, but thanks to Southern Miss’ victory over UCF, still undecided participants. In the East division by virtue of chronology, UCF and ECU’s next games definitely matter, pending the UCF outcome both their final games along with both USM’s games could matter. In the West we need to know what happens in SMU and Tulsa’s next games; and pending their results, final games could matter. (5 definite / 8 potential).

MAC: One championship game and 5 teams vying for a shot to get into it; all of their next games matter; pending results they all likely need to play out their season before someone can clinch.  (4 definite / 8 potential).

MWC: The Mountain West is the only conference that is decided. But even so, Utah’s final game matters in terms of them trying to get back into position for an At-Large bid. (1 definite)

SUN BELT: Like the MAC, another conference with a wide open door and many potential champions, but due to how the scheduling falls, FIA’s next 2 games definitely matter, while the rest of the contenders only matter pending the outcome of those games. (2 definite / 6 potential)

WAC: Common theory dictates that Boise State will be the champ, but math dictates that 4 teams are still eligible, and 3 of the 4 play each other. (4 definite / 8 potential)

How can we live in a world where
Les Miles and his 'damn strong'
football team don't matter?

At Large etc. – In the 16 team playoff, there would be 5 at-large berths up for grabs; and while I’ve addressed some of those implications above, here are some more: All of the Top 25 are within a reasonable mathematical striking distance to an at-large bid depending on outcomes of all the games, meaning they all definitely need to be played and definitely matter. The top 25 is covered in most above, except we need to add definitely mattering for LSU (+2), South Carolina (+2), Arizona, (+1 as 1 was already counted with Oregon) Mississippi State (+2) and Arkansas (already counted with LSU).

Current conclusion: This gives us a current tally of 41 remaining games definitely mattering mathematically to a playoff championship, and a potential for it to reach 66 remaining games having an impact on the postseason.

BUT we’re not done… Very important to the playoff equations are the at-large selections; this means many of the above marked “potential implication” games need to change to “definite implications;” this is because while they may not already be set to affect conference championships they definitely already affect at-large bids. So we change status from potential to definite for: Stanford (swap 1), Wisconsin (swap 1), Nebraska (swap 1), OSU (swap 1), OkSt.(swap 1), MSU (swap 1), Oklahoma (covered by OkSt), Missouri (swap 2), Va Tech (swap 2), Nevada (swap 2), Texas A&M (swap 1), Iowa (swap 1) and Miami (swap 1). Suddenly a whole LOT of games (56) in the final 3 weeks have a definite impact on who our national champion will be.

The Final Conclusion for “making the regular season matter”:

• A 16-team playoff would mean that 56 of the 131 remaining games would already definitely matter (i.e.have implications on the eventual national champion) – 43%!
• There is a potential that 66 games could end up mattering depending on early outcomes – 50%!!
• The current BCS system gives us 4 games (3%) definitely mattering
• The BCS scenario can potentially have upwards of 8-10 games (6-8%) possibly mattering

BCS = 3-8% of the remaining games in the final 3 weeks of the season mattering   

VS.   

 16-team playoff = 43-50% matter

Now, can someone explain for me again how the BCS is the best system in making the regular season important???

Another Voice for BCS Frustration

Its not that no one has said it before, but I'm just glad yet another person who takes the time to be aware of the real goings on in the BCS is willing to use their good platform to rail on the stupid BCS system.

Alas, I give you ESPN/Washington Post sports analyst, Michael Wilbon:

BCS deja vu: TCU, Boise State are getting snubbed once again

Formula 1 Championships By the Numbers... Literally

#5 is juuust right

So last weekend I was staying up into the wee hours of the morning to see Formula 1 pretend they were going to attempt qualifying during a freaking monsoon. Oddly enough that may not have been the weirdest thing I saw that night. In fact, that may have been when announcer Bob Varsha informed viewers of the possible scenarios in case qualifying had to be canceled. Plan B) Qualifying is moved to race day, sensible enough… but Plan C) If that 2nd attempt has to be canceled then the cars are lined up on the grid by their car number!

Not point standings, not practice times, not the most recent race’s result; a completely arbitrary identifier on a car. Rather than debate the merit of the system (or come up with other silly ideas, like driver height), I instead just looked at how the grid would have played out, and honestly it wouldn’t have been too terribly jumbled. So that leads me to wonder, is there a connection between good teams and lower car numbers.

Over the last 36 Formula One seasons here is how it breaks out:

#1 = 9 Championships
#2 = 3 Championships
#3 = 2 Championships
#5 = 8 Championships
#6 = 3 Championships
#8 = 2 Championships
#11 = 3 Championships
#12 = 2 Championships
#22 = 2 Championships
#27 = 2 Championships

The breakout between having a single digit and having two digits on your car is 27 to 9. Obviously #1 would be expected to be high because returning champions can obviously be expected to perform well. Secondarily interesting is how well #5 does, trailing #1 by only one championship and with Sebastien Vettel threatening to tie up the score for #5s this season.

But furthermore, if you are the kind of person who believes there is something more than coincidence going on here, well… then I guess of the current five drivers remaining alive, Alonso is the long shot with the #8, and Vettel and Button are your favorites with #s 1 and 5… and poor Nico Rosberg… he was doomed before he even turned a lap with championship-less #4.

But they are just arbitrary numbers on a car... right?

So Who Does the BCS Blame When it’s Out of Excuses?

When it comes to the Bowl Championship Series, unless you talk to the handful of people who run it or the handful more who benefit from it, you will find nothing but disdain, anger and confusion regarding it. It’s not a debated issue, ask anyone if they think the BCS is the best we can do for determining a national champion in Division I-A football and you will get a 100% consensus that it is not. In the twelve seasons of its existence, the system designed (and repeatedly redesigned) for the sole purpose of giving us a National Champion has only produced two completely controversy-less championship match-ups, a 17% success rate.

Grab Bag Sports is no stranger to dissecting the BCS and its committee’s unproven excuses, but as part-time bloggers, we’ve never had the resources to research in more depth than online stats and databases.

So upon learning that Dan Wetzel, Josh Peter and Jeff Passan spent two years doing the hard research, over 100 interviews and more to get the cold hard facts behind the BCS excuses, its history behind the scenes and financial standing, I was practically salivating. Their findings, Death to the BCS: The Definitive Case Against the Bowl Championship Series, does not disappoint.

Death to the BCS is a must read for anyone who considers themselves a fan of college football in any way shape or form. They manage to tackle every argument, claim and excuse that BCS committee members (noted as ‘the cartel’ by Wetzel, Peter and Passan) have argued as reasoning that we can’t have a playoff. Academic fallout, decreased economic impact, decreased regular season importance, the death knell for traditional bowl games, playoff selection controversy; there isn’t a single anti-playoff argument that isn’t struck down or corrected with facts, research and studies. The approach used alone is why it puts to shame the likes of Rece Davis, Mark May or any other proponent of the BCS.

Wetzel, Peter and Passan don’t stop with simply putting the anti-playoff claims in their place, the real juice of their work comes from interviews with athletic directors, coaches and, most of all, results of FOIA (Freedom of Information Act) requests to obtain the financial statements of the current bowl games, possible because, unknown to many, most bowl games operate as tax-exempt non-profits.

As someone whose family lost everything in Hurricane Katrina, one factoid really hit close to home for me:

“The Sugar Bowl received $3 million in direct funding from the Louisiana state government, according to its 2008 tax filing; brought in $34.1 million in revenue. The Sugar Bowl gave nothing. Not a buck to the Hurricane Katrina reconstruction effort. Not a dime to New Orleans after school program. Not a penny to Habitat for Humanity. It hogged everything, including the $3 million in taxpayer’s money.”

The millions pocketed or wasted (those are really their only options) by BCS Bowl Game staff aren’t the only facts to be damning. The shocking discovery, likely to many football fans, is to learn the truth behind all Bowl games financial stability and burden. The numbers prove most bowl games usually end in a HUGE loss for the schools sending their teams to play. Losses in the hundreds of thousands, losses after the so called bowl game payouts (sometimes negotiated away from the teams in order for the privilege to play). And that’s not exclusive to the Boudreaux’s Butt Paste Bowl, once the University of Florida split its payout amongst its conference, pays all the team/band/cheerleader travel, coach and AD bonuses and lodging for the National Championship game it stood to gain a measly $47,000… for the National Championship.

Then there's the mind-numbing... baffling discovery found in the straight admission by members of the Harris Interactive poll that they didn’t even watch a single game of the University of Utah before they trounced Alabama in the 2008 Sugar Bowl. Yet these same people who don’t even watch the teams are controlling those same teams destiny.

Interestingly enough, Wetzel, Peter and Passan provide a solution that is eerie in its stark similarly to the solution produced here at GBS just short of a year ago. Great minds think alike I believe they say; but that one difference between our proposed solutions (home games versus neutral sites for quarter and semifinals) while debatable on the surface is plenty convincing once you take a look at the money required to have a game at a neutral field vs. sensibly funneling revenue straight into the colleges/conferences that host them.

By this point the questions don’t lie with debaters like us or the likes of Wetzel, Peter and Passan anymore, but instead for the BCS. Definitive proof is now supplied for general public consumption proving that none of their excuses hold any water. With possible litigation coming not only from anti-trust lawsuits but now also possibly the IRS, how will they attempt explaining that because we may complain about the occasional paper cut in a playoff, they’ll continue to punch us in the face instead?

Who/What do the BCS ‘cartel’ blame now for its greed?

Will Power Has Already Won

Before we get into it, let me just say this; Dear:  Hyatt Place Downtown Seattle... I think it is considered false advertising when the word "Downtown" is in the name of your hotel and yet I'm looking at the skyline of downtown Seattle from the distance out of my window... just saying... "Hyatt Metropolitan General Area" might be a little more appropriate... but anyways...

---

So we are just one day away from the IndyCar Series season finale. I have to assume some kind of record, 5th consecutive season that the championship will be decided in the final race, and if Will and Dario Franchitti put on a close show, it could even be the 5th consecutive time it may be decided on the final lap of the final race. Chase that NASCAR...

But even if you stand back for a second from the points battle, who will win, how awesome it is the series has had so many tight battles, and the fact that Dario could easily be building the best resume of any driver in the past 15 years... there is this:

One year ago, Will Power was in a back brace and we didn't know if he'd ever walk, let alone drive competitively again. Two years ago Will was dropped out of KV Racing Technology's roster because Aussie Vinyeards dropped their sponsorship of him when the Surfer's Paradise race was dropped (or at least that's what was claimed as reasoning).

Two and a half years ago when Will Power got his first lap around Indianapolis Motor Speedway, he responded by saying exactly "How in the heck do people go flat out around this track?"

For even if Will Power does win the championship this weekend at Homestead/Miami Speedway; he's already done one thing; he's proven to many young kids out there, to many aspiring young drivers, and even to current drivers overcoming injury like Mike Conway that overcoming adversity is entirely possible. Excelling after hitting the lowest of lows (from losing sponsors or losing the ability to stand) should still be shot for and aspired to; because if you put your heart into it, you can accomplish great things, and working VERY hard can reap wonderful rewards.

Will Power is already a winner, this weekend he's just trying to add another trophy to his shelf.

PlayoffPAC Files 27-Page IRS Complaint Against BCS Bowls

While I said I wouldn't write anything more about the BCS this year. It certainly does not mean we won't paste in a very newsworthy release that was sent our way. The following is not the work of any writers at GrabBagSports; but its highly worth reading. - Wedge:

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WASHINGTON, DC--Playoff PAC, the principal opposition group to college football's Bowl Championship Series ("BCS"), today filed a 27-page legal complaint with the Internal Revenue Service against bowl organizations affiliated with the BCS.  The complaint lists significant tax irregularities discovered through a methodical review of over 2,300 pages of tax records and public documents. 

The complaint was submitted to the IRS on Playoff PAC's behalf by Marcus S. Owens, former head of the IRS's Exempt Organizations Division, and Joseph M. Birkenstock, former Chief Counsel of the Democratic National Committee.  Both attorneys are Members of Washington, D.C. law firm Caplin & Drysdale.

Playoff PAC co-founder Chad Pehrson said: "BCS Bowls all claim to be '501(c)(3)' public charities--the same tax designation as the American Red Cross--to make their revenues tax-exempt and obtain other taxpayer-funded benefits.  Playoff PAC's review uncovered a disturbing pattern of BCS Bowl organizations using their charitable funds to enrich Bowl executives, pay registered lobbyists without disclosure, fund political campaigns, and heap frivolous benefits on Bowl insiders.  The BCS Bowls' activities raise important concerns under federal tax laws and we anticipate that the IRS will give these issues due attention."

EXECUTIVE SUMMARY

INFLATED SALARIES AND PERKS PAID FROM CHARITABLE FUNDS

Federal law prohibits BCS Bowls from abusing their favorable tax status and using their charitable funds to enrich Bowl executives.  However, Bowl officials are rewarded handsomely for promoting the BCS's once-a-year events with lavish salaries, sweetheart loans, and generous perquisites.  The findings of Playoff PAC's review include the following: 

• The Sugar Bowl's top three execs received $1,225,136 in FYE 2009 on revenue of $12.7 million, meaning that just three people skimmed almost $1 of every $10 the Bowl earned.
• Fiesta Bowl CEO John Junker received $317,717 in FYE 2009 for working just 21 per week from the Arizona Sports Foundation, the Bowl's lead entity.  Mr. Junker's total compensation package from all Fiesta Bowl-related entities was $592,418 for FYE 2009, nearly quadruple the CEO pay at similarly sized charities.
• The Fiesta Bowl gave two Bowl executives $240,000 in unsecured interest-free loans, reportedly to pay for their personal memberships in a private golf club.
• Sugar Bowl Exec. Dir. Paul Hoolahan received $645,386 in FYE 2009, a year in which the Sugar Bowl lost money despite receiving a $1.4 million government grant.  Mr. Hoolahan collected $25,000 more than the Rose Bowl's top three executives combined.
• BCS Bowls use charitable funds to fly Bowl execs and spouses first-class, pay private club dues, and foot the bill for employees' personal income taxes.  The Orange Bowl, for example, spent 756,546 on travel in FYE 2009 for its employees.

To be clear, BCS Bowl officials should receive "reasonable compensation" for their efforts.  But BCS Bowl officials are not entitled to appropriate charitable funds for their own benefit in the form of above-market salaries and excessive perks.  To do so is an abuse of their organizations' favorable tax status.

UNDISCLOSED LOBBYING PAYMENTS MADE WITH CHARITABLE FUNDS

Federal tax laws require all tax-exempt charities, including the BCS Bowls, to disclose fully all lobbying payments to the public and the IRS.  But Playoff PAC's review has uncovered rampant failures to disclose activities that clearly constitute lobbying.  The Fiesta Bowl has somehow repeatedly affirmed on its federal tax returns that it does not "engage in lobbying activities."  Yet the review has found that the Fiesta Bowl has engaged in the following activities:

• Gave $1.2 million for "consulting" to one registered Arizona lobbying firm and retained two other registered lobbying firms for undisclosed sums;
• Paid $123,637.93 for state officials' entertainment and out-of-state travel expenses;
• Registered with the Arizona Secretary of State as a "principal" each year from 2005 to 2010, signifying that it employed lobbyists to "attempt[ ] to influence the passage or defeat of ... legislation by directly communicating with any legislator" on its behalf; and
• Pushed specific legislation that required taxpayers to, among other things, bear game costs while forgoing all ticket, concession, and advertising revenue at a state-owned stadium.

These facts show that the Fiesta Bowl undeniably engaged in lobbying as defined under federal tax rules, and should be held accountable for its failure to disclose properly over $1.2 million in lobbying fees and expenses.  The Orange Bowl also appears to have made several large payments to registered lobbyists that were inadequately disclosed.

POLITICAL CONTRIBUTIONS MADE WITH CHARITABLE FUNDS

            As a public charity, the BCS's Fiesta Bowl is strictly prohibited by federal law from using charitable funds to contribute to political campaigns. 

Despite this ban, The Arizona Republic reported that five Fiesta Bowl employees made contributions "at the urging of [Fiesta Bowl CEO John] Junker and were reimbursed a few weeks later."  Donating charitable funds directly to political candidates is clearly against the law; funneling donations through employees by arranging to reimburse them is no less illegal.  The Fiesta Bowl attempted to stem the controversy ensuing from The Republic's reports by paying a consultant to perform a cursory internal review.  But after the Arizona Secretary of State conducted a real investigation, he recommended that the state Attorney General open a criminal investigation on potential violations of state election laws.

            The Fiesta Bowl's use of charitable monies to support a politician's legal defense fund also appears to violate the federal ban on "political intervention" by tax-exempt charities.  Despite the fact that its purpose is supposedly to promote amateur athletics, the Fiesta Bowl made monetary contributions out of charitable funds to former Congressman J.D. Hayworth's legal defense fund.  At the time, Mr. Hayworth was testing the waters as a U.S. Senate candidate and pitching donations to his legal fund (which was used to settle politically related legal expenses) as a way to jump-start his candidacy.

FRIVOLOUS SPENDING OF CHARITABLE FUNDS

Bowl organizations have long justified their existence, if not their tax-exempt status, by trumpeting their magnanimity.  But as reported in the press, the 23 bowl games run by charitable groups "combined to give just $3.2 million to local charities on $186.3 million in revenue."  Playoff PAC's review of charitable giving by BCS Bowls revealed a similarly lackluster record.  While BCS Bowls were relatively frugal with their charitable grants, they were positively spendthrift when it came to less worthy causes.

• Gave $1.2 million for "consulting" to one registered Arizona lobbying firm and retained two other registered lobbying firms for undisclosed sums;
• Paid $123,637.93 for state officials' entertainment and out-of-state travel expenses;
• The Orange Bowl spent $535,764 on "gifts" in FYE 2006;
• The Fiesta Bowl spent $1,325,753 on "Fiesta Frolic," an "annual weekend golf retreat for college-football officials at a Phoenix-area resort" from FYE 2005 to FYE 2008;
• The Orange Bowl paid $331,938 for "parties" and a "summer splash" in FYE 2004;
• The Sugar Bowl spent $710,406 in FYE 2007 and FYE 2008 on a mysteriously vague category called "special appropriations;
• The Fiesta Bowl spent $91,020 on "travel or entertainment expenses" for "federal, state, or local public officials" in FYE 2009;
• The Orange Bowl spent $111,492 on "postage and shipping" in FYE 2008;
• The Sugar Bowl paid $201,226 for "gifts and bonuses" and $330,244 on "decorations" in FYE 2008;
• The Fiesta Bowl spent $444,948 on "hospitality" in FYE 2009; and
• The Orange Bowl paid $42,281 for "golf" in FYE 2004 and FYE 2006.

This BCS Bowl spending calls into question the Bowls' need for the substantial government assistance they receive.  If the Orange Bowl can afford to spend $535,764 on "gifts" and $756,546 on travel for its personnel, why does it deserve charitable status and the resulting "free ride" on paying taxes?  If the Sugar Bowl shells out $201,226 for "gifts and bonuses" and six-figure sums for its crony-filled "Football Committee," why has it received $5,448,539 in government grants the past three years?  And if the Fiesta Bowl has had the money to spend $331,438 per year on a "Fiesta Frolic," why did it need a hefty taxpayer-funded subsidy from the State of Arizona?  These are among the important questions raised by Playoff PAC's review.

New Bat Rules!

Tyler Colvin's potential rookie of the year season ended sooner than expected last week when a broken bat impaled his chest. So now we're hearing the debate about maple bats and how they should be banned. I think we could take it a step further. Similar to how interleague play (and steroids) gave baseball a burst of energy, we could take this opportunity to make some rule changes and add some excitement. Here are a few options to consider:

1. 100% Cork Bats - You know how we're supposed to believe that a corked bat adds like 200 feet to every pop fly? Imagine ALL CORK, ALL THE TIME! If that little piece of cork (and a ton of steroids) helped Sosa hit 66 HRs one year, then an entire bat being made of cork could yield 1,000-foot long balls. Right? (Plus, I doubt cork would impale a guy's chest.)

2. Other team gets a run - If your bat breaks, the pitcher should be rewarded for his extreme pitching that has the ability to break wood. His team should get a run. (This is an exciting possibility. The idea of scoring runs while on defense means you'd have to bat in the bottom of the ninth even when you have the lead. Obviously you'd want to just keep the bat on your shoulder and take the strikeout, but could today's stars really stand up there without trying to pad their stats?)

3. Make your own bats - Like on The Natural, you should have to make your own bat. From a tree. Wanna be a major leaguer? Fine, make a bat. If it breaks, make another one.

4. One bat per game - If you break your bat at any point, you just have to keep using it for the rest of that game. You can always just hope for a walk.

5. Mini-souvenir bats - This is an amendment to the "one bat per game" option. Except in this rule, if you break your bat, then for the rest of the game, you're only allowed to use the mini-souvenir bats they sell at the stadiums. (In Spring Training, we'll test out applying the same rule for batting helmets, where your back-up plan is the mini-helmet ice cream bowls.)

Good news!

Yahoo just let me know that I am lucky (as a LeSean McCoy fantasy owner) that Eagles fullback Leonard Weaver is likely out for the season with a knee injury. Good news! Glad that guy hurt his knee so Yahoo could congratulate me for eventual McCoy production. I just might send an e-mail to all my family and friends to tell them about this recent development of fortune!

My First Demolition Derby

I am obviously not knowledgeable about motor sports of any kind. Before Wedge started hosting race parties and pools, I wouldn't have even been able to name any racers. But at least I can now say that I recognize a few names when I hear them. I can also at least have fun participating in this blog, including our super-fun Blogathon, and even put Indy races on for a few minutes every now and then. And of course, I have now actually attended a race with Wedge here in Nashville. Here's proof!
























So tonight I decided to branch out even further and headed to the Tennessee State Fair to check out the Demolition Derby. When I got there, I realized quickly that I was in a new world. A world known as Demolition Derby.

First of all, 90% of the audience members either (a) were smoking, (b) had tattoos, or (c) both. Without a tattoo or a cigarette, I thought I'd be asked to leave before the demolition could even begin!

Then, while waiting for the doom and destruction to start, as my kids played with... you know... toys... the little girl next to us played with JALAPENO PEPPERS. She was sticking her fingers in the juice, then she'd put her finger in her mouth or her eyes. She was coughing and had tears in her eyes! But her dad was jamming to Lynard Skynard, so no one noticed.





Another strange occurrence was the presence of one lone merch table near the bathrooms. All they were selling were t-shirts with the name "Brynn Marie" on them. I thought this must have been the name of one of the contestants. The Danica of Demolition Derby! But no, it turned out to be the girl singing the National Anthem. They also told us she'd be signing autographs, but when I passed her table, she was alone, eating nachos. I bet she would've sold more shirts if she had been in the Derby.

Nonetheless, I am happy to report that you do not need cigarettes, tattoos, or even Brynn Marie autographs to enjoy a good Demolition Derby. Watching these guys smash into each other was amazing. It makes me want to get some guys together, buy some old cars, and do this ourselves. (Blogathon 2011. Who's with me?)

Here are a few pictures I managed to get...

This Volunteers-themed car didn't bring Tennessee any luck against Oregon tonight:






















Car #89 was the first one to break down tonight:






















Then he needed a forklift to move him out of the way.






















The quality here is even worse than the others, but it's a funny a story. This guy's steering wheel fell off before he even got into the demolition area, so he couldn't steer it in and didn't get to participate.

















This is one of the last pictures I could get before it got too dark. The driver in this car was fine and even tried to continue in this heat, but couldn't get the car running again.


























And here is a little video I got. Sorry there is no audio.



Unfortunately, darkness (and being so far away from the action) prevented many good pictures. But it was still a pretty fun night. This is 9/11. This is Demolition Derby. God Bless America!

An Art Form That No One Asked For

In the past few decades a trend has really taken precedence that no sports fan will deny; it is simply that announcers/analysts have vastly increased their role in sports coverage. While some could argue that this has meant the expansion of knowledge depth given to fans/listeners/watchers; many (myself included) would argue that it’s actually diluted the analysis and really has only majorly served to promote… well… the analysts.

Writers and talking heads making a name for themselves is not anything new, but because of the expansion of radio broadcasting capabilities, the introduction to local TV stations, and then the explosion of the internet, satellite radio and all the other mediums leads to a whole heck of a lot of talking and writing sportsters. As a result, its led to an art form that I think many would like to see die, and that is the art of sports-peoples standing out.

This brings me to the recent story and so-called “outrage” over Dan Hampton. For those who don’t know, Hampton (a former NFL player) is an analyst on a TV show called Pro Football Weekly. On said show this past week, while analyzing the New Orleans-Minnesota game Hampton dropped this gem:

“the Vikings need to hit that town like Katrina.”

Now if you have a brain and a pulse, and know of Hurricane Katrina, you understand why it wasn’t exactly the smartest thing to say. What is more interesting to me isn’t necessarily his comment but instead the reaction to it. You have two sides, those who think it’s incredibly offensive and think Hampton should be fired (will address in a second), and those who think that the comment is “fair game” because New Orleans by their own will have interconnected the New Orleans Saints to Hurricane Katrina.

First let me tell you why it’s not fair game, by explaining that I grew up in New Orleans (25 years of my life in the New Orleans region); my family and many friends lost their homes in hurricane Katrina (including our very own Deuce and both my and Ron Furious’ parents) by no fault of their own except trusting a government who lied about how well levees were built. More importantly many people lost their lives in the disaster and many of us have gone through the destruction, and now the still ongoing rebuilding process; and that is simply not something that is ever “fair game.” If there is ever one rule of humor, its that real death and destruction aren't funny or "clever," but instead simply ignorant.

But the more important issue here for me isn’t the ignorance or stupidity of those who make the comment or think its ok; its people who are “outraged” and demand apologies or firings. For starters, it’s stupid to demand an apology because there’s no way sincerity can ever be part of a requested apology. Secondly rarely ever are people actually offended, and instead are just bored people with airtime on Fox News or MSNBC. But more importantly it’s because firing a guy over making this dumb comment would be just as dumb as he is for making the comment.

Why?

Because this wasn’t Dan Hampton’s first day on the job, and it wasn’t even his first time saying something of a stupid nature. After learning of this incident, I’ve gone back to read/watch more of Hampton’s analysis/color commentary and to be honest the Katrina comment isn’t exactly surprising nor does it offend me personally. It just comes across as stupid, the only offense to me is that someone who thought that was a good idea had the job in the first place and that now I’ve now lost time in my life having spent listening to him that I won’t ever get back. Firing him now would be like firing an executive at BP for lying about how well the cleanup is going.

Last week the Nationals turned “vacation” for Rob Dibble into permanent firing because of some comments Dibble recently made about Stephen Strasburg. ESPN had to fire Jay Mariotti because of his domestic abuse arrest and way back when Rush Limbaugh got in trouble of inherently racist things he said about Donavan McNabb. In all cases the stations don’t look good for getting rid of these guys, they looked stupid for having ever hired them in the first place. Dibble was a decent pitcher but he’s a horrible commentator/analyst; Mariotti was hardly likable or insightful and I’d say just the same for Limbaugh… not to mention the MANY other sports yakers who have had similar issues in history.

This isn’t even the first time someone has tried to throw a horrible metaphor into sports analysis. In fact recently while going through old newspaper clippings of my grandfather’s school/minor league baseball career, we discovered an astonishing metaphor from the local writer who compared his pitching hard like he wanted to “get those Japs.”

So it brings us to the cause of this whole thing to begin with; the actual problem that should offend people: It’s not Dan Hampton saying the retarded Katrina comment, it’s the fact that he thought he needed a “clever” metaphor to make himself stand out. The problem is broadcasters (especially ESPN) have put entirely too much emphasis on how much the sports yaker “stands out” and less emphasis on checking how smart they are for starters, and then the ability to stand out and make metaphors second.

It’s why we get so many idiotic TV commentators who can’t describe a single play of a game and instead give us “did you see that!?” type stuff or catch phrases, or analysis on things that don’t need analyzing. And it’s why I need to go bang my head against a brick wall because I just found out that Matt Millen wasn’t enough idiocy for the NFL Network, they decided they needed to add Joe Theisman to their cast.

Taking a break from sports...

So I had a pretty tough week at work last week. I mean, nothing too stressful. A little travel. Almost had to put in a little overtime, but in the end, I got the job done and did what I had to do.

The next couple of weeks could be a little challenging. Probably not as bad as last week, but I'll have to stay on my game.

The good news is that, in a few weeks, all my hard work for this year will be out of the way. Seriously. From October through January, I'll basically just have to show up on time to keep my position here! LOL. It's almost a joke.

These other guys around here, like Joe and Frank and Bob... their tough part of the year hasn't even started yet! I'm going to be enjoying autumn and Halloween and Thanksgiving with my family soon, and these guys are going to be struggling every day just to survive! We're talking tons of travel, traveling to places I'd never want to have to go and work myself. (Good thing I don't have to, LOL!) Meanwhile, everyone will be talking about how awesome I am!

Yeah, it's pretty sweet around here these days. I really like the new system. I'll never really be measured against Tom and Bob and Frank. They do their work, I do mine. Sure, if we had to compete against each other in some way, it may be better for the company, its employees, our clients, and everyone involved. And who knows? I might be better than they are after all. But, hey... why fight it, you know?

The best part is that, at the end of the year, if things fall into place, I'm gonna get an award that says I'm the EMPLOYEE OF THE YEAR! I'll get a big raise and everyone will celebrate me and how awesome I am. Life is pretty great right now. For me, at least.

Oh wait... you know what? I forgot...

I DON'T WORK FOR THE BCS.

Time Again For American Sports' Annual Display of Discrimination

Its generally been almost a yearly occurrence for us to write articles showing just how stupid the BCS is, or how a playoff would generate more total revenue or better matchups, or how the current system is not a playoff every week, how human rankings are majorly flawed, how most importantly its totally feasible to have a playoff (especially considering all the other divisions of NCAA have them).

In fact that was the very first thing we talked about when we launched this site... But for once, I think I'm going to refrain from it this year... or at least today as my alma mater kicks off the first 2010 NCAA Division I football game tonight against Steve Spurrier's wacky "I don't know who I want to play at quarterback" plan. But I'm not refraining because I'm tired of saying it, its simply because PlayoffPAC has summed up the monetary (legal court) aspect in a great 4 minute video, that you really should watch and forward along to anyone who thinks the current system is ok:

Racing Weekend Hangover... after a word from our sponsors

So this past weekend’s IndyCar race had a lot of people internet-angry, which is kind of like actually being angry except most of it is just a lot of text without follow-up. The thing that had a lot of people talking was not Will Power’s unfair advantage due to having superhuman abilities giving him a 1 second lead PER LAP over the rest of the field, nor was it about KV Racing continuing their destruction derby in the middle of an IndyCar Race; no it was the fact that VERSUS went to commercial break with 5 laps remaining and by the time they returned and finished showing a Will Power montage, viewers got the final one and a half lap.

As a result of my field trip to Making Up the Numbers, I’ve now got a taste of some factual analysis on commercial time during American motorsports broadcasting. The initial results turned up interesting in that the amount of commercials increases depending on the TV station and series while ESPN showed little regard for capturing important on-track action.

As this weekend started I couldn’t help but to continue the practice, so I queued up my spreadsheet and calculator and tracked this past weekend’s American LeMans race at Road America covered on SPEED and the IndyCar race at Sonoma covered on Versus and there is a mighty interesting conclusion to be found…. After this word from our sponsors…

Oh, so while we were away for that commercial Will Power just won another race. But what you didn’t miss are the neato charts and results of time tracking the TV broadcasts from racing. As per usual, race time is judged from the moment someone says “Drivers Start your engines” to the time the final car crosses the checkered flag.  For a reference point, go here to see NASCAR at Watkins Glen and IndyCar at Mid-Ohio.

Click to see full size

The initial thing that pointed out to me for ALMS was totally unrelated to the TV broadcast but instead that there were three different yellow flag caution periods that were longer than fifteen minutes! I mean ALMS has longer races in general plus more cars with numerous classes, but fifteen minute caution periods? It definitely turned me off as a viewer, but theres is great racing so I pushed through for it. There were also a large number of long commercials, some stints as short as 2 minutes but three different stints of 4-minutes of straight commercials.

Even amongst all that, ALMS on SPEED still only came out to 46 minutes of commercials, or 27% of the broadcast. 7% less than NASCAR on ESPN whose race was only 6 minutes shorter in length. The one benefit that ALMS and Grand-Am have on TV is that the broadcaster knows exactly when the race will end regardless of how many caution periods happen because they are timed events. As a result SPEED was able to time the commercials so that the final 13 minutes of the race were broadcast without interruption. 

What is interesting to note however, is that ESPN managed the final 15 minutes in Watkins Glen for NASCAR? How did they do it, well by doing commercial double ups during yellow periods seemed to be their key. And that’s where we can turn our attention to IndyCar on VERSUS.

Click to see full size

If you saw last week’s chart, you’ll note that Sonoma had exactly the same amount of commercials in time than Mid-Ohio, roughly 26 minutes, but because the race was shorter it upped the percentage to 23% (vs. 21% at Mid-Ohio). So clearly it wasn’t a matter of VERSUS trying to get as many commercials as possible into the broadcast yesterday, more likely it seems to me that VERSUS has a minimum 13 commercial breaks for a road course.

Now that is an educated guess on my part, but I’d bet you two jars of Boudreaux’s Butt Paste that all the road courses this season had at least 13 commercial breaks for at least 26 minutes. The problem at Sonoma is that with 10 laps to go they only had 12 breaks, meaning they likely scrambled to get that last one in. The choice: break TV commercial contracts or suffer the wrath of angry fans on the internet because you went side-by-side while Scott Dixon was all over Will Power’s ass with 5 laps to go.

We don’t know the answer to what happens behind the scenes or what would happen if they didn’t hit a contracted minimum, but at least maybe now we know why. And if that’s the reason, then all we can ask for is that VERSUS try doing more commercial double stints during yellow flag periods like they did through laps 38-40. The final 7-minute yellow period at Sonoma-Infineon would have been a perfect spot, or the yellow in the middle of the race that was commercial-less, and then we could have gone green to finish without interruption, and the internet would rejoice... that is, assuming it is as easy to do as it was for me to write that.

IZOD Continuing to Create an Aura for IndyCar

I intend to do a piece on the growth and promotion and decline of racing series against each other, namely NASCAR vs. IndyCar. but before then here is an early example of why IZOD is the PERFECT partner for IndyCar. Not only are the Race to the Party promotions (and parties) introducing it the series to new people and as a fun event you want to be at, but its putting it in a higher social class. Say what you will about Playboy, but it is a common known worldwide brand now which includes recognized social status through TV shows, magazines and simply its logo, which is why this photoshoot of IZOD's trophy girl and another model in IndyCar apparel and on Firestone Firehaek tires is a perfect way to get the series more notice to the exact demographic the series could use as new fans.

While it is Playboy, no worries this video has no nudity, though it may not be safe to play if your wife or girlfriend is sitting next to you. Just say you wanted to see them Firestone Firehawks up close.



Again debate on what you think about Playboy, but there is no debating that the front page of playboy.com hits a few million eyeballs.

Blog Swap Shop: Haven't We Been Here Before?

As part of VivaF1’s awesome Blog Swap Shop idea, Joe Ryland visits GBS from ‘across the pond’ at An F1 Blog for a guest post today:

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Formula 1 will be returning to America in 2012, with a custom built track designed by Hermann Tilke. The last time F1 was in America was in 2007 at Indy, but after just a short 7 years Formula One had seemingly had enough of America. With the controversy of the 2005 Grand Prix and the tyre ‘farce’ the race felt tainted. But almost as soon as it was gone the F1 hierarchy wanted an American Grand Prix again.



Bernie Ecclestone being his usual self dithered on all sorts of plans for a US GP. After leaving Indianapolis Bernie said F1 would never return there. But just two years later, there was thought to be a chance of a Grand Prix going back to the circuit. That didn’t happen though, so Bernie needed something new to talk about. His new topic was putting on a street race in New York, and then he said a race at Indy may not be out of the question. Then, plans came out for a race in Jersey City, but almost inevitably the plans were abandoned. Shortly after, Monticello Motor Club announced they had submitted a bid for the Grand prix. That’s a lot of possibilities over a short period of time isn't it?

So after all the deviations, it was confirmed on the 25th of May that the US Grand Prix would be revived near Austin, Texas. There’s still the chance it will all go wrong like what happened to Donnington but it seems pretty certain that the F1 circus will be travelling to America in 2012. So, here’s my question, if F1 left America 3 years ago, should we all be looking forward to the return?

The sport has certainly had a love/hate relationship with the US. The first ever Formula One race at Sebring in 1959 was seen as a failure by the organisers, and when it was moved to Riverside in California it was seen the same and became another one-off. However when it was moved to Watkins Glen, it was a great success, and the Grand Prix remained there for 20 years. After dotting around to numerous venues, a very unsuccessful race was held at Phoenix for a couple years which ended in 1991. America would have to wait 9 years to get its next Formula One race. In 2000, F1 returned to America at the legendary Indianapolis Speedway. The first race drew a record crowd of 200,000 giving a clear sign of the American people’s love of Motorsport. Then in 2007, both sides couldn’t come to an agreement so yet again the United States Grand Prix would be taking a break.

So, should we be looking forward to the return of the United States Grand Prix? In my view, it’s all in the balance. If Hermann Tilke can design a worthy track and the organisers can do a good job, Formula One will certainly benefit from the American audience. But with all the big motorsports in the US like Indy, NASCAR and others, F1 will have to put on a hell of a show to win over fans and make F1 a success in America. We have seen before that huge crowds are drawn in to watch the Grand Prix and if similar numbers come in 2012 F1 should do well. By looking at the history of the US Grand Prix we can see that if the race is put on at a good track and with good coverage, the fans will follow. However, if the track is a typical Tilke-drome with little overtaking, the race may be a flop and the fans won’t go to see it when they have their much loved American motorsports. America really needs a success in F1, the failure of the USF1 team left a scar on the sport in the states and that needs to be fixed by getting a good reputation for a good race. All in all, if the race is put on well, the American revival will definitely give F1 a decent return, and besides, it’s about time F1 was in the US for the long run.

The Great Blog Swap Shop

As part of the Blog Swap Shop, a great idea started by Saltire at Viva F1, I was picked to write a guest post for the great statistical analysis blog: Making Up the Numbers. At first it seemed overwhelming being given such a in-depth analytical blog to guest on, but I tried to step up to the challenege with a little of North American flair.

So head on over to Gavin's amazing blog and not only check out my guest post, but continue to go back again and again for his great analysis of Formula One racing!

Thanks again Gavin for the opportunity, it pushed me to a new level that I hope to continue on GBS!

(I'm thinking we can replicate this idea in good ole North America)

How to Correctly Get a Sports Background Without Actually Playing Sports

By now many of you may have heard about Maryland House of Delegates representative Michael Vaughn and his infamous playing career for the Dallas Cowboys. If you haven’t, here it is in short: Vaughn boasts both on his own website and resume about the experience of playing three years on the Dallas Cowboys.

Oh what times he must have had back in the glory days of the Cowboys… only he didn’t play for three years. In fact, he didn’t start a single game for the Cowboys… even more so; the Dallas Cowboys have no record of Vaughn ever being signed not to mention ever being at a tryout.

It’s not the first time we’ve seen someone get caught splurging on their resume, after emailing with Ron Furious about it, he told me this hilarious story:

“In 2001 Al Martin, who was playing for the Seattle Mariners had a collision with a teammate and said it reminded him of being hit by Leroy Hoard during a Michigan/USC football game in 1986.  The Mariners' media guide even said he played for USC.  Turns out, he never even went to USC! And USC didn't even play Michigan until 1989.”

And who could forget George O’Leary’s five day long career at Notre Dame due to lying about having a master’s degree at NYU and playing football for three years at UNH, neither of which as you can guess were accurate.

So what was the problem for all of these guys? They shot too high. They all went with football; big mistake because Americans LOVE football, and in most cases it’s easy to research, especially the Dallas Cowboys. That is why after discussing the matter with all three other members at Grab Bag Sports; we are happy to present to you:

Ten Sports Things You Can Add to Your Resume That Are Unlikely to Get Caught or Contested

10 - World Series of Poker Bracelet Winner

Each year there are over 50 WSOP events in Vegas, that’s 50 bracelet winners each year in Vegas, plus there is now a WSOP Europe and other WSOP tagged events over the country. The Vegas events alone have over 700 bracelet winners. Winning 1 bracelet can be done with no skill which is why anyone can win 1. The online records are incomplete because they mostly just track Vegas and even then they use nicknames and never have pictures… so chalk up a nice bracelet for that Deuce to 7 Lowball or Razz tournament you won; just make sure you have some kind of bracelet or story about getting robbed when people ask to see it.

9 – Played in Slamball League

Does everyone remember the ill-conceived Slamball league? Of course we do ever so faintly, guys with questionable basketball skill jumping on trampolines just so every score could be a dunk. Even the Wikipedia page is sketchy at best as far as recordkeeping, why just look at this shot of their first combine… Slamball has aged so well that in 8 years photos remembering it are already black and white!

8 – Member of USA baseball team
Ok obviously this one will be easier for someone to research… but why would they want to… honestly how many of you just learned that there was a national baseball team? Well there is, the USA baseball team is comprised mostly of college kids because the Olympics don’t allow pros?

7 - World Record Holder for Eating

Have you ever watched the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating contest? Every single contestant has a record for something, spaghetti, French toast, eggs, meatballs, oysters, and really who out there is keeping these all straight? Just pick a slightly obscure food for an eating contest and make that world record your own. If anyone ever wants to contest it, chances are no one’s tried so Guinness will just recognize your world record title for most alligator eaten in 15 minutes.

6 - IndyCar Driver
Because apparently just about anyone could and did drive and IndyCar in the 90s and early 2000s so it’s not like anyone would doubt your credibility. And if all else fails just say you were a test driver for “pick country here” team in the now-defunct A1GP series. No one really keeps records of any of that stuff anyway because so many teams/cars have a revolving door on their driver’s seat. Dale Coyne probably can’t list all the drivers who raced for Dale Coyne Racing over the last 10 years, so why can’t you be one of them?

And if worse comes to worst, and you get called on it, it’ll only cost you a few bucks to drive a race for Dale and then you have a feel good story about making amends.

For Photographic help, just spend a couple hundred to do the Indy Racing Experience because they have to put you in a full racing suit and helmet, and suddenly you have evidence.

5 – Beat Shaquille O’Neal in a Free Throw Contest
True story, when Ron Furious was in high school he beat Orlando Magic guard, Chris Duhon, in a free throw tournament. Granted Ron was 18 and Duhon was maybe 13-14 at the time, but it’s totally true. Ron’s brother played against Eli Manning (in basketball), my brother played against Eli in football, Deuce’s cousin not only played against Leroy Hoard in high school (the same Leroy Hoard that supposedly ran over Al Martin) but Deuce’s cousin started a bench clearing brawl with him. Those are all true, and so why can’t your story? Just pick an athlete that was around the area you grew up in, make sure you say something that can’t really be tracked like a public youth league or a specific play like “Intercepted a pass from Jamarcus Russel.” and you’re golden.

Just maybe don’t go with the whole beating Shaq in a free throws idea, that’d probably hurt your resume more than anything.

4 – The Google Approach
It’s easy, type your name into Google and then start trying a random assortment of phrases like “career stats” or “records,” “field” and you’re bound to find that there is someone with the same name who played D-League basketball, Canadian League Football or is a sportswriter for the University of Washington. Just make sure you were alive when that minor league career for the Daytona Beach Islanders was played…

3 – You Are The Stig

If you have no idea what we’re talking about, two words: Top Gear; Netflix it, find out how to get it on your TV, or move to Europe to watch it. If you know what we’re talking about then you’ll know that there’s no way ever that anyone could prove otherwise.

2 - High School Record Holder
For Deuce, Ron and I, this actually proves even easier than for most. See we all went to the same high school just outside of New Orleans. This school was destroyed by Hurricane Katrina, they’ve since built a new school with the same name, but records of everything before this new version are gone forever; suddenly no one can tell me I’m not the Javelin record holder for Hannan high, or that Ryan holds the record for most strikeouts in a game. If there’s a natural disaster that took your school out, or it closed down, it’s pretty easy, and even if your school wasn’t so unfortunate, just make a school up, it doesn’t even have to be the one you attended. High schools are so horrible at keeping records, and that’s just the ones that are trying.

The only problems this method gets you in trouble with is when you try to step on someone else’s records or if you stay close to your actual high school or people from it; and that’s why you got to stay away from living breathing records; just go for ones that doesn’t exist or no one cares about. You hold the record for most consecutive match wins for your high school’s chess team. Your school didn’t have a swim team, well I believe that’s 4 records you can have right there!

1 - Marathon Winner….. In Marathon-less City
There’s nothing easier than winning a marathon in which you were the only participant. Even better, try right now to find records of actual marathons… and very quickly you can see how this is #1 on the list. It’s hard enough to prove that the Meraux, La. Marathon didn’t exist, than to try and prove I didn’t win the dang thing….twice!


Print out some random corporate logo on paper and tape them together and have a friend take a picture of you crossing the tape with your hands in the air. If anyone asks you about it, you can always say it wasn’t a huge deal, play it down; and you know why, most people who win marathons don’t think they are a huge deal. They’re proud sure, but it’s not like they brag about it, it’s exactly what it should be, just a little something to put on the resume.


What else did we miss; give us your ideas in the comments section!